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MY FAVORITE QUOTES

	“To be a teacher in the right sense is to be a learner. I am not a teacher, only a fellow student.”
	— Soren Kierkegaard

	“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.”
	— Albert Einstein

	“The great thing about America is everybody should vote.”
	— George W. Bush (Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000)

	“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents aand everyone is writing a book.”
	— Marcus Tullius, Cicero, 106-43 BC

	“In order for there to be loud there has to be soft.”
	— Albert “Tootie” Heath

	“Liberty means responsibility. That's why most men dread it.”
	— George Bernard Shaw

	“That which is designed to be acceptable to everybody ends up being suitable for nobody.”
	— Mass Marketing

	“Jazz is too good for America.”
	— Dizzy Gillespie

	“If everything seems to be under control, you're just not going fast enough.”
	— Mario Andretti

	“The important thing is not what the author, or any artist, had in mind to begin ith but at what point he decided to stop.”
	— D. W. Harding

	“Music is your own experience, your own thoughts, your wisdom. If you don’t live it, it won’t come out of your horn. They teach you there’s a boundary line to music. But, man, there’s no boundary line to art.”
	— Charlie Parker

	“If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. I get most joy in life out of music.”
	— Albert Einstein

	“I use the pick because it's the cleanest, my thumb because it's the funkiest, and my fingers because it's the fastest.”
	— Will Lee

	“More and more, I’m becoming a fan of things that give me little to no choice.”
	— Les Claypool

	“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.”
	— Minna Antrim

	“In everything, no matter what it may be, uniformity is undesireable. Leaving something incomplete makes it interesting, and gives one the feeling there is room for growth.”
	— Yoshida Kenko

	“The important thing is not what the author, or any artist, had in mind to begin with but at what point he decided to stop.”
	— D.W Harding

	“Without music life would be a mistake.”
	— Nietzsche

	“In order to compose, all you need to do is to remember a tune that no one else has thought of.”
	— Robert Schumann

	“First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country.”
	— George W. Bush (on the Kyoto accord, April 24, 2001)

	“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it.”
	— George W. Bush (Philadelphia, May 14, 2001)

	“I had no idea we had so many weapons, what do we need them for?”
	— George W. Bush (stunned when told the extent of the U.S. nuclear arsenal, Newsweek, June 25, 2001)

	“I should have been a plumber. That’s a joke. But the thing is, plumbers get paid.”
	— Noel Redding (bass player for Jimi Hendrix)

	“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.”
	— Hunter S. Thompson

	“For every difficult and complicated question there is an answer that is simple, easily understood, and wrong.”
	— H.L. Mencken

	“I hate quotations.”
	— Ralph Waldo Emerson

	“Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.”
	— Horace Walpole

	“Do, or do not. There is no try.”
	— Yoda

	“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.”
	— George Bernard Shaw

	“I have to change. It’s like a curse.”
	— Miles Davis

	“Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.”
	— Frank Zappa

	“You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.”
	— Dave Barry

	“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
	— Dave Barry

	“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
	— Kaiser Wilhelm

	“You can’t handle the truth. No truth handler you. I deride your truth handling abilities.”
	— Sideshow Bob

	“The more one pleases generally, the less one pleases profoundly.”
	— Stendahl (1822)

	“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.”
	— Dave Barry

	“You should not confuse your career with your life.”
	— Dave Barry

	“Mac OS for productivity. UNIX for stability. Palm OS for mobility. Windows for solitaire.”
	— Dario Tortora

	“A game is just a game if you win. If you lose it’s a stinking waste of time.”
	— Al Bundy

	“I’ve coined new words like misunderstanding and hispanically.”
	— George W. Bush, who meant to say “misunderestimated”

	“They misunderestimated me.”
	— George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

	“There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness’.”
	— Dave Barry

	“If at any moment we approach that moment with a pre-conceived idea of what that moment will provide, and if, furthermore, we presume that having paid for it makes us safe about it, we simply start off on the wrong foot.”
	— John Cage

	“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”
	— Charles De Gaulle

	“Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
	— Dave Barry

	“ . . . so finally I bought the ‘Moonrock’ needle -- still sounded like shit. So I thought to myself, maybe its the speakers?”
	— Steve Martin

	“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.”
	— unknown

	“The way to a bass player’s heart is through a sonic maximizer’s low-end tightening circuit.”
	— Andrew Benzie

	“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
	— Dan Quayle

	“I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.”
	— David Dinkins

	“Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.”
	— General William Westmoreland

	“If a person can’t communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up.”
	— Tom Lehrer

	“Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.”
	— David Moulton

	“People who drink light beer don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.”
	— Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

	“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
	— Frank Zappa

	“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
	— Dean Martin

	“They who drink beer will think beer.”
	— Washington Irving

	“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”
	— Jack Handy

	“I drink to make other people interesting.”
	— George Jean Nathan

	“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
	— Humphrey Bogart

	“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
	— Dave Barry

	“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
	— Benjamin Franklin

	“I gave up drinking once — it was the worst afternoon of my entire life.”
	— Humphrey Bogart

	“Work is the curse of the drinking class.”
	— Oscar Wilde

	“He was a wise man who invented beer.”
	— Plato

	“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
	— Homer Simpson

	“Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.”
	— Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

	“Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.”
	— his reply

	“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
	— Oscar Wilde

	“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
	— Groucho Marx

	“It’s a California problem.”
	— President George W. Bush (regarding the 2001 energy crisis)

	“Like I’ve said all along, we’re here to help.”
	— President George W. Bush (three months later)

	“Some worry about what’s constitutional, I worry about what works.”
	— President George W. Bush

	“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”
	— A Congressional Candidate in Texas

	“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
	— Ernest Hemingway

	“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
	— W.C. Fields

	“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
	— Dave Gardner

	“Consumers should understand that these remedies would not allow us to deliver software products as we have in the past.”
	— Bill Gates

	“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President.”
	— Hillary Cilnton

	“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by not dying.”
	— Woody Allen

	“Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.”
	— Dilbert

	“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
	— Winston Churchill

	“Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?”
	— unknown

	“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
	— Henny Youngman

	“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”
	— Jason Kidd

	“To be a leader, sometimes you have to turn your back on the crowd.”
	— unknown

	“If at first you don’t succeed, reload and try again.”
	— Geoff Wood

	“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
	— Joe Theismann (ex-quarterback)

	“To be good is noble, but to teach others to be good is nobler and less trouble.”
	— Mark Twain

	“People working to make a difference.”
	— The Phillip Morris Company (new advertising slogan)

	“At Microsoft, quality is Job #1.1”
	— Brian Rost

	“You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.”
	— unknown

	“Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.”
	— Earl Wilson

	“The key is in the woodshed.”
	— Pam MacLaughlin

	“I know there’s a balance, I see it every time I swing past.”
	— John Mellencamp

	“Playing the bass is like dancing the limbo: how low can you go?”
	— Brian Rost

	“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
	— Geoff Wood

	“I love seeing the whites of an audience’s eyes instead of being stuck in the back and seeing John Wetton’s ass. Life for me is a series of asses that I have played behind. Adrian Belew has got a very nice ass, slim. John Wetton’s is a little bigger. Jon Anderson's is very small. Nice legs, lousy ass. It’s a series of asses!”
	— Bill Bruford (drummer for King Crimson and Yes)

	“Where we are going, is how we get there.”
	— Robert Fripp

	“Bass is easier because you can slap and go ‘boink boink’ two or three times during your nightly one minute solo and people in the audience will say, ‘Hey, the bass player is a genius!’”
	— Doug Wray

	“Bass is harder because you have to endure comments like ‘Don’t you really wish you were able to play guitar?’ and you have to endure people calling your instrument a ‘guitar’.”
	— Doug Wray

	“The world is our pearl.”
	— Michael Sea

	“Let’s just say I know how to make any band sound like The Who.”
	— John Entwistle

	“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”
	— Winston Bennett (University of Kentucky basketball forward)

	“Microsoft: the largest virus ever created by man.”
	— Bud “T-Bone” Minton

	“Individuality is fine, as long as we all do it together.”
	— Major Frank Burns (#4077th M.A.S.H.)

	“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
	— Homer J. Simpson

	“If the shit fits, wear it.”
	— Donald ‘Duck’ Dunn

	“Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.”
	— Earl Warren (former Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court)

	“There are two kinds of fools. One says ‘this is old and therefore good.’ The other says ‘this is new and therefore better.’”
	— Geoff Wood

	“Who’s more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”
	— Obi Wan Kenobi

	“Beauty is in the eye of the bass-holder.”
	— Ed Friedland

	“I tried guitar when we were kids, but there were too many guitar players, and I’ll tell ya, two strings too many for me.”
	— Duck Dunn

	“Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.”
	— Kim Sweeney

	“Drinking is either an alternative to dating, or the cause of it.”
	— unknown

	“Nobody should take life too seriously because nobody outlives it.”
	— Warren Miller

	“Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.”
	— Brooke Shields

	“Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.”
	— Dilbert

	“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
	— Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

	“The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.”
	— Frank Rizzo (ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia)

	“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
	— Vice President Dan Quayle

	“I’ve worked out what volume to play at so I don’t drown the orchestra out.”
	— John Entwistle

	“Ask not what bass can do for you . . . ask what YOU can do for bass.”
	— Lane Baldwin

	“You shouldn’t let all the wrong in the world bother you, because chances are you don’t know the half of it.”
	— Megan Weilacher

	“No matter what I do, someone is going to hate me for it, so I might as well do it anyways.”
	— Thomas Shank

	“Life’s too short to waste any of it on cheap beer or bad drummers.”
	— John T. Evans

	“Trying is the first step toward failure.”
	— Homer J. Simpson

	“You must fill your head with wisdom before you can break boards with it.”
	— Karate Instructor on The Simpsons

	“Grabbing hold of someone else’s bass and playing with someone else’s equipment is scary unless you’re drunk.”
	— John Entwistle

	“Shouldn’t someone tell Clinton his fly is open?”
	— Park Place

	“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
	— Mike Elliott

	“One world — one W.”
	— Andrew Benzie

	“You’re Virtualized!”
	— DNAI.COM

	“I am but a very small potato in the great tuberarium of bass.”
	— Harry Nuttall

	“‘Light’ beer in the US is low calorie, ‘light’ beer in Australia is low alcohol.”
	— Rob Little

	“If you play it twice, then it isn’t a mistake.”
	— unknown

	“If you understood everything I said, you’d be me.”
	— Miles Davis

	“You must allow people to be right, because it consoles them for not being anything else.”
	— Andre Gide

	“It was cool — but can you imagine doobie in your funk?”
	— George Clinton

	“Most of us are just about as eager to be changed as we were to be born, and go through our changes in a similar state of shock.”
	— James Baldwin

	“Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly, without betraying my cool exterior?”
	— Agent Fox Mulder

	“It’s schlock rock in a cul de sac.”
	— Bill Spooner (re: Tubes’ music)

	“Paradise is exactly like where you are right now — only much, much better.”
	— Laurie Anderson

	“To be is to do.”
	— Sartre

	“To do is to be.”
	— Nietzsche

	“Do be do be do.”
	— Sinatra

	“The musicians in my band are, I think, some of the best musicians in the world, and they like to be challenged. That’s one of the tasks as a band leader, to challenge them. I don’t want them to be bored, I want them to be constantly playing at their limit or maybe beyond their limit.”
	— Sting

	“Rock and roll is dead, it’s reactionary and it’s boring. Occasionally a Nirvana and Oasis come along to give it a good spurt, but that’s about all!”
	— Sting

	“A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.”
	— Frank Zappa

	“Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”
	— Emo Phillips

	“The problem with tolerance is that you have to tolerate the intolerant as well.”
	— G. M. Weilacher

	“We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?”
	— Bob Fuss

	“If you can persuade your customer to tattoo your brand name on their chest, they’re probably not likely to switch brands.”
	— unknown Indiana University professor (re: Harley-Davidson owners)

	“Death is a great career move. I’m just glad I’m around to see it.”
	— Rob Fetters (re: his band going on hiatus)

	“I made my bed, now I gotta weasel out of it.”
	— Bart Simpson

	“Weaseling out of things is what separates man from the animals — except for the weasel.”
	— Homer J. Simpson

	“Humans are the only things that won’t turn down money. That’s what separates them from the rest of the animals.”
	— Monty Python, The Meaning of Life

	“The eyes in the room are all lookin’ at the star, but the butts are all shakin’ to the bass guitar. Uh-huh.”
	— Todd Snider

	“The survival of democracy depends on the ability of large numbers of people to make realistic choices in the light of adequate information.”
	— Aldous Huxley

	“One world is enough.”
	— Sting

	“We know it’s one world.”
	— John Wetton

	“I acknowledge the existence of a higher power, and have therefore installed surge suppressors.”
	— Rick Auricchio

	“Turn down John — you’re too bloody loud!”
	— Roger Daltrey

	“After considerable thought I am forced to deny the existence of gravity. I therefore conclude that the Earth sucks.”
	— Sir Isaac Newton (unconfirmed)

	“What’s so unpleasant about being drunk? You ask a glass of water.”
	— Douglas Adams

	“The way to a girl’s stomach is through her heart.”
	— Philip Schwab

	“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”
	— Aldous Huxley

	“Absorb all the media-generated information you can. Ignore all the media-generated information you’ve absorbed.”
	— David Torn

	“Most rock journalism is people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t talk.”
	— Frank Zappa

	“What we hear is the quality of our listening.”
	— Robert Fripp

	“What a difference a / makes. Damn HTML.”
	— Andrew Benzie

	“I never met a robot I didn’t like.”
	— Issac Asimov

	“God bless those pagans.”
	— Homer J. Simpson

	“If you have an unpleasant nature, and dislike people, this is no obstacle to work.”
	— J. G. Bennet

	“Oh, love is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporania; and love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.”
	— Dorothy Parker

	“Everybody’s got a bone to pick, Someone’s always gotta mind the store, Someday everyone will call in sick, Can’t justify the heartache anymore”
	— Bob Nyswonger

	“Invention is the mother of necessity.”
	— Phil Schwab

	“Never pet a burning dog.”
	— Vlada Raicevic

	“A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous, got me?”
	— Captain Beefheart

	“I briefly entered into this thing called jazz and at that time, with an acoustic bass, I just frankly couldn’t hear myself in the band.”
	— Tony Levin

	“I was driving on the freeway and I saw a hitch hiker holding a sign that said ’heaven,’ so I hit him — he seemed like a nice guy, so he probably made it.”
	— Stephen Wright

	“To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge.”
	— Disraeli

	“Why become a nostalgia act just because KISS is back on the road?”
	— Sammy Hagar, x-vocalist for Van Halen

	“I almost always call in sick, so much so that they thought I should go see a specialist! When your department head starts telling you that he can get you expert medical attention, you know you’ve pushed the envelope a little too much.”
	— Tamsen Merrill

	“One good reason is all I need.”
	— Bill Spooner

	“Tobacco has always held up Kentucky. There just aren’t a lot of options. We can sell our farms and houses, but then what are we going to do?”
	— John Fritz, tobacco farmer

	“After I killed him, I felt this overwhelming sense of freedom. I really need a drink — I really need a drink.”
	— woman after pronouncing her guilt on Perry Mason

	“I picked up bass around 1970 because I liked music. I thought that playing bass with four strings would be infinitely easier than playing guitar with six strings. This was a horrible misconception!”
	— Colin Moulding

	“Here I am playing my own song — I go home, and in a few months there will be a (royalty) check in the mail. So here I am, working both ends of the food chain.”
	— Greg Kihn (while working as a deejay for KUFX)

	“I like to take things and make a design, keep a low profile.”
	— Joe Walsh

	“This ain’t nothin’ but a show. It’s just show business, that’s all.”
	— Jaco Pastorius

	“I was demoted from lead to rhythm and finally to the bass. There was always a frightful fear I would land up as the drummer.”
	— Roger Waters

	“Speaking personally, I’m sure I’ve played more basses poorly than any man in history. This must have some cosmic effect on the universe, and I’m sure I’ll have to answer for it when I die.”
	— Dick Smothers

	“Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for . . . for just such an emergency.”
	— Fog Horn-Leg Horn

	“We lay cards upon the table, The backs of our hands, And I swear I like your people, The boys in the band”
	— Richard Palmer-James

	“Like I said last night, we’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
	— Fee Waybill (playing live with The Tubes)

	“Sometimes I wonder if I’m patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.”
	— Jack Handy

	“That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it.”
	— Mark Knopfler

	“I should have learned to play them drums.”
	— Mark Furtado (and Knopfler)

	“Some say, I’m wishing my days away — no way.”
	— Gordon Sumner (Sting)

	“Take me to the river, Drop me in the water”
	— The Reverend Al Green

	“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
	— Vice President Dan Quayle

	“I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.”
	— Steven Wright

	“I just want to be alone with my thought.”
	— Homer J. Simpson

	“I blew up your body, But you blew my mind”
	— Bryan Ferry

	“Saute the onions, add the cheese, stir it up and serve hot.”
	— Julia Child